Why painting is important to me

Last night I did not get a lot of sleep. Actually I got 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I am kinda tired today. I tried to work on my painting this morning but it seems that I have completely forgotten how to paint the sky all of the sudden! Well I guess that is what I get for not painting for about six months. But still! I feel like crying. I get so frustrated when it comes to the art work. Everyone is always pushing me to do this and to do that! So I end up just sitting on my hands. I hear "you have got to paint more so you can sell your work" "you need to be different" "stop painting things that have already been done". I am still learning how to paint and the only reason why I like to paint is because it makes me feel happier when I actually get one out that looks decent. Another reason is because I love art so much. Art touches me in ways I can not explain! I want original art in my house and I can not afford it. So - I decided I would do it myself (so I tried to copy one!). Now they want me to sell them? GO AWAY!

I tried to explain to the Salesman that I paint because its the one thing - the one talent that I have that I can keep for me. Its mine. No one else can touch it. No one else can barrow it. No one else can lose it or abuse it. Its my space that no one can reach! Everything that I do in my life is for others. Everything. I rarely make decisions that will only effect me. I have so many people that I have to think twice about when I make a choice. With art - I only think of me!  Its rather nice too. :) But when it does not come together however - I feel like throwing a fit like a four year old.

I always teach my students in my classes that they need to slow down. Think the steps out in which they are going to take to get the piece started. I never take my own advice. I just jump in and start all wild and wonder why I am pissed off before I even get to the second layer! I guess that is pretty funny and pathetic and I really have no one else to blame but myself. So I think I am going to start over and try to slow it down.    (sigh) Okay..    Back to the canvas. I also have to go to a parent/teacher conference tonight for my preschooler. Why does she need a conference? I asked and they said they all get one.. Weird. Its mandatory. Okay. So I will go. I don't want to. But I will.