OCD or just an excuse? (rant)

I am not here to be a jerk but I have to tell you that I am so sick of everyone crying OCD because they do not know how to handle stress. The doctors are so quick to say "yes that is your problem" because they do not get paid to sit and tell these people they are just too weak to cope with what they are going through. Now I know there are real cases. For example I heard about a nurse who got so used to washing her hands at work that she ended up developing OCD. She would wash her hands so much that she ended up making them bleed. She could not help herself. However I just think that some of the people that I know have no idea what its like to have OCD. It would be complete torture! I am so thankful I do not have it. I know this girl who says she has it now. She says all these little things like - well its really getting frustrating because we are buying a new house and the lady will not call me back when I call her. I wonder if the OCD is just making it worse!" What?! NO! that is frustrating for anyone and you just need attention. I knew this one girl who claimed how OCD she was and how she had to keep everything clean! I stayed with her for a while and the whole time I was there - her dog pooped and peed on the floor. She would walk over to it and pick it up with a tissue. Nothing else! Why did she let the dog do this on her floor? Because she was a wiener dog and she didn't want the dog to go outside in the grass because she was too low to the ground and would pick up bugs. Oh and the dog would piss in her bed sometimes because she was too small and could not get off.. However - Her home was very organised. Its not OCD - its ANAL about some things and not caring about others. Now normally I keep all this bottle up inside and never say anything. I hear those things and I just either ignore them or I just smile and wish I were somewhere else watching cartoons. But here.. I am going to say it! .

Just bored I guess.

Today is a pretty day.. The fall colors are really nice this year. Last year everything that should have been yellow turned brown. :( Made for an ugly fall. This year the yellow is back. I think that is my favorite color in the fall. Yellow with the black tree.

Anyways. Not a lot has been going on. Little here and a little there. I have not been working on my painting lately. The last time I painted I forgot about my brushes and I left them on the isle with tons of paint on them. They dried like that. I just bought them darn things. However - I have a trick. I let them soak in baby oil for a couple of days and then use either dish soap or hard core bar of soap (zest) and my finger nails and work the paint out of them. Works every time. Takes a while but its better than buying new paint brushes. They are not cheap! 

I cried today because my 8 year old told my nieghbors 8 year old that she was going to bully her at school because she would not stop arguing with her and calling her names. Then the next day my neighbors child is too afraid to go to school and tries to fake sick. I know that her child can be really rude and mean also. She says she is not saying it is all my child and I am really hoping she means that. So now I get to deal with that nonsense. FUN. I cried because of reasons that go far back beyond this blog. I once lived (military life) in a very stressful duplex where all the wives in the area were fighting and starting trouble with everyone. I was so stressed out all the time that I think it really helped kick start my anxieties when it comes to being a social person because at once I started to imagine that the one I have today would start acting like the ones I had a long time ago. I just cried it out. I know its not her. She is nothing like them. But I still could not help myself. I have to get along with my neighbors. I just have to. Everyone should. I guess if they are out of control that can not be helped. But if it can be helped I think it should be a very important issue. I know also that how I react to those outside of my home as well as inside, is how my children will learn to react to all of it.(That is how I knew when the neighbors had a problem with me. Their children would be rude to me or they would be nice. It was really a strange roller coaster ride) So there will be no sides taken. I just have to make it work. And I know that my way is not always the right way. I have to stay very open minded. It is hard sometimes but I try. 

Why do the cats have to follow me up here and fucking lick themselves! I am watching one do it and her tongue I am sure is about 10 miles long. Its gross. I tapped the desk and the poor little shits jumped. Then continued to lick themselves. (sigh) Its really cute when the spread those legs open as wide as they can and lick their junk. OH MY GOSH! I am actually laughing out of mania as I type that. I hate it. 

My Cat Theory.

I have a theory about cats and I wanted to share it here with you. I have two totally insane cats. I saved them over a year ago from a cat house. They were not even old enough to be from their mothers yet. One is a huge bitch and will not really go to anyone but me. The other is sweet and nice but she is a bit odd. Afraid of everything! No one can figure out why the one loves me so much an no one else. I make her so mad and torture her all the time! Like for example this makes my kids laugh when I am holding her and I say.. awww make out time! and then kiss the cat over and over.. Her ears go back so far that it looks like they disappear.  But she stays. She will not leave. They laugh and laugh. Right now she is laying in my lap purring and I am not even paying any attention to her. She loves me no matter how much I tease her (or throw pillows at her when she and her sister will not stop licking themselves).So I think the secret to making your cats love you is to always set them down in a comfortable place or gently close to the ground. I never drop them. Not even a foot away from the floor. More like 2 inches from the floor. They never run from me when I put them down. They slowly walk away. They run from the kids! I always handle them like babies. No matter what I am doing to them - I do it gently! Even when I torture them, I do it with kisses! And they still walk away slowly. :) I call them the "twins" even though their faces look different. They are both calicoes and beautiful girls. :)

My top reasons why Facebook should be erased.

Its really quiet right now. All the kids are in school and I am in the room painting. I know that it sounds like I must paint a lot. But I do not. Actually. Just the last three days. I have taken a few things from my schedule that I really had no business doing because its totally against my personality and it made me feel overwhelmed. (avon) I try to sell it online but it doesn't seem to be doing me any good there either. I tried for over a year though. I want people to come to me with their needs.. Not me having to go to them and trying to figure out what they want just so they can tell me to go away and see me as a burden. Not my thing.  


I was thinking about facebook today. I do not like it. Since I have had facebook I have felt more lonely than I have ever in my life. I am pretty sure the devil made it up and disguised it with "Ohh you can see all your old friends again and be happy" when really it was thinking "ahahahah.. now I can make all those who feel like shit already - feel even worse. And the best part about it is, they will not even know why they are so depressed!"  I get so sad when I see all my old friends. The ones that I had the most fun with because all we do the whole time we chat or leave messages is say "I WISH I could see you again!" "I WISH we could go here together" "I WISH I WISH I WISH". Makes me miss them even more and reminds me of how alone I really feel all the time. My mom used to tell me "You can wish in one hand and shit in the other and see which fills up the fastest". I never knew what that meant and I do not really think I am clear on its meaning today! hahaha.. 


Another way facebook makes me miserable is when I spend too much time on there. I do not take care of the house or the things I should be. Then I get overwhelmed with everything because I get so far behind. Makes me feel bad.   


What else? Ohh.. Okay. I thought of one - When I see all the happy posts and all the fun everyone else is doing I feel jealous or left out. . If you have felt jealous then you know its one of the worst to go through. It seems to last the longest. When your spouse or whatever cheats on you - it gets better eventually - but jealousy never stops breaking your heart. Or when you hang around others and you can not figure out why you feel miserable when you are with them because you feel you are having so much fun - but deep down inside she/has has more than you, is prettier than you, has more friends than you, has a better house than you, gets to eat when she/he goes home.  Well one day I made an observation. My cousin who always writes on her wall about all the happy times she is having and how she is getting out and having so much fun. How her love life is perfect etc. She is always traveling too!  So I went home for christmas last year and I visited her. She was bitching and complaining about everything when I was there. Her and her husband fought the entire time. She had no money. She was a mess. Her body seems like its falling apart also.  I then noticed that I do not write how I really feel on facebook either. Just the fun and silly things that are going on in my life. Everything thinks that I am this happy - go - lucky person also. So if facebook makes you feel like it did me, just remember.. its probably not all that is seems. :) I no longer feel that way. And even if I do I am happy for those people - I really am. I wouldn't want anyone to be unhappy. It sucks. 


Why do I still have it? Well its kinda like when you go through your closet with the intention to get rid of unused clothes. You grab a shirt that you never ever wear and think "no actually I will wear it eventually". Yeah.. that's me and facebook. If I get rid of it.. I know I will want it back. So whats the point? Madness! 


It looks like its going to rain later. Nice. :) I like the rain. So do my flowers. 


XO! 

I will miss you my Long Horn Cow!

I have an idea. I will paint the sky last this time. :) I decided that I am going to go to bed early tonight. My babes are in bed and so I feel they are safe and I can now rest. I am going to watch some boring documentary on the tv so I will pass out fast. It works every time. But first.. I gotta clean the brushes.

Today one of my paintings was raffled off for charity. Over 750 people bought tickets at $1. a ticket. I guess they liked it! :) So does that mean now that my paintings are worth over 750.00??  I really doubt it. Kinda weird not knowing were it ended up. Its kinda like a tiny bit of me. So I hope who ever won it takes good care of it. I enjoyed painting it and I put a lot of work into it. And it went for a good cause. To help out others in need.

Why painting is important to me

Last night I did not get a lot of sleep. Actually I got 3 1/2 hours of sleep. I am kinda tired today. I tried to work on my painting this morning but it seems that I have completely forgotten how to paint the sky all of the sudden! Well I guess that is what I get for not painting for about six months. But still! I feel like crying. I get so frustrated when it comes to the art work. Everyone is always pushing me to do this and to do that! So I end up just sitting on my hands. I hear "you have got to paint more so you can sell your work" "you need to be different" "stop painting things that have already been done". I am still learning how to paint and the only reason why I like to paint is because it makes me feel happier when I actually get one out that looks decent. Another reason is because I love art so much. Art touches me in ways I can not explain! I want original art in my house and I can not afford it. So - I decided I would do it myself (so I tried to copy one!). Now they want me to sell them? GO AWAY!

I tried to explain to the Salesman that I paint because its the one thing - the one talent that I have that I can keep for me. Its mine. No one else can touch it. No one else can barrow it. No one else can lose it or abuse it. Its my space that no one can reach! Everything that I do in my life is for others. Everything. I rarely make decisions that will only effect me. I have so many people that I have to think twice about when I make a choice. With art - I only think of me!  Its rather nice too. :) But when it does not come together however - I feel like throwing a fit like a four year old.

I always teach my students in my classes that they need to slow down. Think the steps out in which they are going to take to get the piece started. I never take my own advice. I just jump in and start all wild and wonder why I am pissed off before I even get to the second layer! I guess that is pretty funny and pathetic and I really have no one else to blame but myself. So I think I am going to start over and try to slow it down.    (sigh) Okay..    Back to the canvas. I also have to go to a parent/teacher conference tonight for my preschooler. Why does she need a conference? I asked and they said they all get one.. Weird. Its mandatory. Okay. So I will go. I don't want to. But I will.

What is that smell?

There are no rules for blogging right? I can blog when I want. Seems like all the bloggers that I know say you "have" to post every day. You have to have a theme with every day that you post. For example: Monday is Memory Day. Tuesday is tutorial day... and so on.. Blah! I think I am just going to blog when I dam well feel like it. :) I have done it already twice just today! I am in my art room right now working on the painting taking a bit of a break so I am going to blog. :) As I sit here my babes are playing with my phone taking those really weird pictures of themselves and laughing so hard. I love watching them do that. Makes me laugh to hear them laugh.


Tonight I was noticing that I can not smell my cat's boxes anymore. Since I have gotten them (last summer) I have been tormented with the smell. Seems like I can smell it right when I walk in the front door. I cleaned it every morning and before I went to bed. I also cleaned both of them with soap and water and put in fresh cat litter every 2 weeks. It was way too expensive! I am really  not comfortable when people come over as it is and  so I would always fear when I knew someone was coming in that they would smell it and think that I was dirty or something. So I have candles and stuff all over the place. Never fails though - I can still smell that dang box!  Well recently the salesman's (my hunny) best friend has come to visit. He is a smoker. We are not smokers. He put a can on my window seal outside so he could put his butts in there. Well the smell of the cigs come in through the window and I can smell it very much! However .... I can no longer smell the cat box! So I decided even though his friend is long gone, I am going to keep the cigarettes in the window seal outside so that I can smell that and not the boxes. It seems like there is always one smell that I get obsessed with and that is all I can smell. Before the boxes - It was my dog. I am surprised I still have carpets with the amount of times I scrubbed mine before the cats came! I do not know if any of this makes any sense to you but I am going to go with it till I can not open the windows anymore. Then I will find something else I guess. I just need to get away from the cat boxes.