I love to say the "F" Word!

I am sitting here trying to hide my excitement because I thought of doing this blog. I can not tell you why I did not do it earlier. I am no stranger to blogging and the internet. I decided to make this blog because I am having a hard time sleeping at night. I actually get a little anxious when I know that its time for me to go to bed. I know that once I lay down and try to close my eyes my anxiety attacks will start. I over the years (I am 37) I have been able to tame them and now they only hit me the hardest when I am trying to sleep I guess. But lately they have gotten worse. So I am hoping that this blog will help me tame those as well. 

I am not a very social person. I have no friends. It is not because no one likes me - a lot of people like me- its because I choose to be this way. I hate every second of my reasoning for it too. I am very lonely most of the time. I really have a hard time understanding others so I take my refuge in my house with my family and I hide away. There are even a lot that I hide from them. The only place I can be "me" is on the internet where you can not see me. Where you do not know me. Where your judgments can not touch me. I am free to say what I want when I want. Its nice to know this. I think it may help me a little. 

So I am going to cuss on this blog too. I have another blog, a facebook, a fanpage, and even a twitter. Never ever do I say the F word on those pages. I am too busy trying to hide myself and be respectful to those on there that do not talk like that. I know a lot of people that believe in God and I really do not want to offend them. I am one of those people who believes in God but I do not get offended easily. I try to be smarter than that. So here I go - Ready??  FUCK! FUCK FUCK FUCK! I am so happy to say that here. I am free!  

I just really wanted to get this started. My mind has been so full of crap these days that I really do feel like I want to just go outside and scream to the sky. No words - 

I do not want to turn this blog into something where I get mean. I am not a mean person. I just have too much to deal with sometimes. I need a place to let it all go. And I choose here.